Living as an empath and highly sensitive person has not been easy. I will admit, I've always felt as though I don't belong here, on this planet Earth. Not in a suicidal way, or a depressive" way, as some may automatically think. But in a "I
know this is not my real home, and I'd really like to go back ASAP" kind of way.
Something deep within my heart and soul knows that I don't belong here. Meaning, I am here on Earth to experience myself and certain experiences as a human being for the moment, but I don't live here. I 'normally' reside in the spiritual realm, as an energy form. I don't have the burden and heaviness of a body when I am there. I am light, and free.
Living as a highly sensitive person and empath can be quite draining a lot of the time. Imagine you are a sponge, and whenever you go anywhere, you are constantly absorbing energy from other people, animals, nature itself. When going on a simple shopping trip, you're surrounded by hundreds of other people, all emitting their own energy and emotions. This could range from negative energy, to positive energy, happiness, sadness, joy, depression, anger, frustration, worry, anxieties etc. Now we are all made up of energy, and we all pick up on different frequencies, but some do more than others. And this is where the name "empath" and "highly sensitive" comes into it. Empaths can pick up and literally feel other people's emotions and energy whether they want to or not. Highly sensitive's are just ultra sensitive people with a heightened, 'wired' nervous system. They generally tend to need a lot of down time, rest, and get overwhelmed easily whether it be by bright lights, noise, crowds, or even the beauty or life itself. They generally have a deep appreciation for the small things and a rich inner life.
Personally, I need a lot of rest. A couple of hours of shopping in a crowded area can drain me of energy for the rest of the day. Spending time around friends or family for an extended period of time can drain me. My body and mind gets overwhelmed and bombarded with a mix of energy and thoughts, that forces me to have to rest and recoup. I need a lot of quiet time to get back into balance, and feel in tip- top shape again.
I can walk into a room and instantly pick up on the vibe and moods of everyone (which is quite normal, as many can naturally do this), however with me, it tends to stick. I can be deliriously happy and joyful one minute, walk into a room where there's been an argument, and people are clearly a bit tense... and then feel heavy, burdened, depressed, and "off" for the next few hours, until I consciously work to 'shake it off' myself, either through being alone, writing, listening to music, or taking walks in nature.
Then there are the times where I attend parties, and afterwards feel so drained by being surrounded by a lot of people & absorbing their energy, that I have to spend pretty much the entire next day having quiet time to myself to recouperate.
Arguments with people tend to suck me dry of energy. I'm not one to enjoy conflict, so I avoid it at all costs... but confrontations leave me intensely drained, more so than anything else. Take the party example of feeling tired, and double or triple it - along with extra nurturing and looking after myself. I feel emotions more deeply, therefore sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment, etc... are all heightened. Not only do I experience my own emotions during a conflict, but also absorb the other person's negative energy. I feel heavy and drained during those times.
I can go from feeling upbeat, contented and happy, to suddenly feeling emotions of sadness and ill-ease for what I think to be no reason at all, until someone tells me they themselves were feeling that way at the same time, or that someone they knew had perhaps passed away, for example.
So as you can see, it's not an easy thing feeling like you're constantly "ruled" by your emotions and heightened nervous system. You're more emotional, you often feel much more drained and exhausted than others, and you need a lot more down time to spring back.
It's a constant journey of learning how to manage your empathic and highly sensitive self, so that you don't continuously find yourself drained and in a slump, because of taking on other people's energy. Learning how to 'protect' yourself, realise when an emotion you're feeling isn't yours, and letting it go the second you feel it... is absolutely crucial to a positive, vibrant, happy existence.
But that said, at the same time, being an empath and HSP is such a blessing and a gift. The positives in my opinion, override the 'side effects'. I am able to connect with others on a deeper level, I am extremely compassionate, empathetic, sensitive, and caring. I have a deep appreciation for the little things, and life itself. Beauty often overwhelms me, and I am passionate about helping, uplifting and inspiring others to be the best that they can be.
My favourite quote that sums it up perfectly, is by Pearl Buck:
"To them (a human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive)... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a
tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and
failure is death."
